Hi all! Welcome back from the Thanksgiving break. I hope those of you who had uncomfortable family situations and the like were able to get through and find enjoyment away from the dinner table. For those of you lucky enough to enjoy going home, I hope it was another good year of feasting and family. Mine was another delightful combination of family, friends, and food, and I took advantage of my parents’ TiVo for a whole lotta 30 Rock. Good times all ’round!
But there were a few times I squirmed a little, though they had nothing to do with the holiday. My friends and I met up Friday and Saturday nights, and both nights we played various word games — Pass the Hippo, Scattergories, Catchphrase. My high school friends and I all happen to be smart in a wordy kind of way, so these nerdy games are just our kind of fun. But in addition to the 6 or so of us gathered around the coffee table, an extra guest snuck in: competition.
I don’t like losing, but more importantly, I don’t like looking the fool. If I’m doing well, just not as well as the other team, that’s fine. I might get in some smack talk and will probably feel energized by the good feeling a well-matched competition engenders. I’ll groan about losing and probably nitpick rules a little, but generally, I enjoy myself even if I lose. It’s when I’m losing badly that I get defensive and grumpy.
This type of competitiveness has nothing to do with playing a good game, or putting skills to use, or enjoying camaraderie with friends. It has everything to do with pride, that little jerk. I don’t blame myself for feeling like this; nobody likes to have their pride hurt, even if it is among friends who won’t judge you. I do blame myself for how I react. Afterward, I always think, “geez, it wasn’t that bad, I should’ve just laughed it off” or “eh, next time have another beer and blame it on that,” but at the time, I get tense and sulky. I blame the Catchphrase gamepiece for running out of time on me every single time, or I say I have too many vowels when I’m playing Scrabble. I grumble when people call for another round and say we should switch games.
I don’t think my behavior would improve if I admitted to a competitive streak upfront, as most of my friends do, because I think it’s different from the drive to win. Part of it is, sure, but it’s more the drive to save face in all situations and avoid being laughed at at all costs. Sorry to get a bit psychoanalytical on you, but probably five miserable tween years being mocked for just about everything had more of an effect on me than I’d like to admit fifteen years later. Unfortunately, being bullied didn’t make me nicer or more easygoing; it made me harder and more defensive. That’s something I’ve been working against for years now, and I do well most of the time, but put me in the ring with better opponents than I, and those nasty, scared tendencies shoot right to the surface like hidden claws.
Anyway, that’s something for me to think about the next time someone busts out Taboo and I try to remember that it really is just a game, and a fun one at that.
How about you? Do you get involved in the game no matter how well you’re doing? Do you find yourself blaming external forces if you’re doing badly, or do you admit you’re just not doing so hot?
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You know I’m right there with you on the sore loser front.
That game of catch phrase was a little intense, even for me.
Yeah, I liked Scattergories better, even with all the challenges.
Nice post. I think there’s definitely a distinction between being competitive in the sense of wanting to win, and being a “sore loser” in the sense of turning grumpy when you feel like the way you’ve lost has made you look foolish. For myself, I don’t mind losing, but I seriously hate feeling like I’ve been made to look foolish. Definitely a pride issue…
Also, Pass the Hippo is a great name for a great game!
Definitely a pride issue. And of course, it’s the feeling that I look foolish, even though others might not think I look foolish at all, so it’s extra stupid to spend time dwelling on it, since it’s usually a non-issue for everyone in the room but me.
I figure if I just refer to it by name, people will assume it’s a game they need to learn, and this will spread it even farther!
I’m at a point where I won’t do certain things in front of people because I don’t want to look bad. Even in situations where i know i can love and trust everyone. Just don’t like being the weak link. I feel you! I blame the academic environment I grew up in, how’s that for psycho-analysis?
Ack Liz, I know, it is bad! I think we should work against this. We are too awesome to give in to pride and fear.
Good topic for a post, Lisa. Seemingly benign board games can definitely bring out old demons. My pride has ruined Scrabble for me, and I think the Onion is on to something with this one:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/jilted-hasbro-ceo-laughs-coldly-as-scrabble-destro,2760/
But I don’t think you’re making an excuse about the buzzer running out with Catchphrase — you really did have bad luck that game! And I think that is part of why I like games like Catchphrase and Euchre — there is so much luck involved that I don’t feel like my pride is on the line.
Hahaha, evil Scrabble.
Oof. I don’t really get like this with board games, but sports/athletic activities of most kinds, I am right there with you. While I do exercise quite often, I refuse to join exercise classes because with no exceptions, I am always the one whom the instructor has to give a little one-on-one time to, to explain the nuances of whatever exercise we’re doing. Because I have no coordination. Also, by the way, former and current gym teachers: telling me to “watch someone else doing it” is not good enough in terms of instruction. I blame exactly that for the reason I can not and have never been able to do a cartwheel. Bleh.
My body gets so confused about coordination too! It’s like, “I hear you telling me to do that, and I see that other person do that, and I agree that it sounds like a neat idea, but instead I think I’m going to kick the ball out of bounds over there.”
I played Dutch Blitz this holiday weekend with a few friends and some fresh faces and one girl in particular brought her A-Game to the trash talking. Changed my life. I’ve never been big on competition but this trash-talking was so absurd as to highlight the reality that we were just playing a simple card game. An example: apropos of a separate conversation on ‘man hands’ “Your face is a man’s hand and I’mma kick your ass!” But this is a fine line and I’ve also been bruised by what was condescendingly explained as harmless trash talk, so here’s what A-Game Trash Talker taught me: 1) It’s gotta be absurd, like just off the wall ridiculous. At no point did I start to doubt myself and consider her a massive dick, because her behavior was so obviously clownish. And lighthearted. 2) Check in: she made sure to ask at points “I’m not offending you or anybody?” so that one could say, comfortably, “know what? tone it down.” 3) Continue having good game etiquette elsewhere: if she lost, if she won, it was “good game; do you want to play again?” I know I don’t care how much of a joke it is – if someone is playing the Bravado winner after any game I’ll get cranky and annoyed that I’m forced to play the role of the petulant loser. I get that enough in my day-to-day life, thank you.
I am intrigued by this A-Game Trash Talker. Generally I find myself bristling at just about any amount of trash talk, so I wonder if an absurd amount of ridiculous comments would inure me to that. Um, I guess you can try it out on me next time we see each other? [Preparing Thick Skin and Humor Shield now.]
I love playing boardgames and cards… whether I win or lose. Unfortunately, I suck at a lot of them (except Scrabble and Poker) and then I have trouble maintaining partners (mostly for Euchre). Of course it’s great when you win… and I agree with Lisa… I don’t mind losing as long as it’s not by an embarrassing amount. This makes me realize I played a lot more games while in college… that needs to change!
I will play games with you! Like I’ve mentioned before, I am not so good at strategy in euchre, but you can try to re-teach me if you like.
Euchre yes! Go Michigan!
Also, Pass the Hippo? = GAY SEITAN.
Great post, Lisa, made me think. Gotta remember to learn to play well with others – easier said that done, haha!
I think it’s playing well with others but also with ourselves — the problem isn’t so much with other people but how I see myself in that group and what I do about it. But maybe that’s what you meant.