Hot spring rivers frolicked in: 2

Sights that made me say “wow”: at least 12

Sheep spotted: ~100,000

Cows spotted: ~80,000

Glaciers hiked: 1

Couches surfed: 8

Times I had no idea what vowel a Kiwi was using while talking: at least 9

Concussions sustained: 2

Road trips enjoyed: 3

Radio stations picked up on entire 8 weeks in the country: 2

Times I heard the inexplicably popular song “Maneater” on those radio stations: 9

Number of different tracks off the 12-track “Jagged Little Pill” I heard on those same radio stations: 6

Total days spent in New Zealand: 55

Total money spent: $3,965

Average per day: $72

Christmas carols sung at full volume while driving through the mountains: 8

Carols we knew more than the first verse to: 0

Dolphins swum with: at least 30, possibly more; magic is hard to quantify